March 17, 2015

I'm not that bad. Really. Mostly.

When I started blogging it was 2009, I was married, and I didn't imagine myself being out in the singles scene again. (Please note: Even though I am divorced now I am not exactly out in the 'singles scene'. The 'singles scene' for me carries intonations of 70's disco music, key parties and men with handlebar moustaches, and I spend most of my time alone in front of the computer. But still...)

Back in those days, I felt free to wax lyrically about all of my flaws - my poor cooking skills, my clumsiness, my parenting fails, my massive fuck-ups, even my poor seduction techniques. And it was fine, because I had a partner, and it really didn't matter if the rest of the world knew how deeply imperfect I was.

Now, however, times have changed. At some stage, I am going to want to attract a mate. And so I need to put my best foot forward, and demonstrate to the world how marvellously desirable I really am.

Yeah. I need him.


Unfortunately, I keep forgetting to do that in my videos with Lana. Therefore, before you watch our latest offering, I would like you to peruse and study the list below. It is important to redress the imbalance of information out there, and to understand that I have many excellent qualities too.

For example:
  • I am a warm and friendly person (when I have had enough sleep and am fully caffeinated).
  • I can reverse park into very tight spots, often without even bumping the car behind me.
  • I do a sensational French Braid. (Not on my own hair, because that requires quite a sophisticated level of hand-eye co-ordination, but on other people.)
  • Dogs love me. I'm not mad about them, but they really do love me.
  • I am very loving and kind (when I have had enough sleep and am fully caffeinated).
  • I make brilliant scrambled eggs. And really, that is a meal in itself.
  • I am an excellent friend and always answer emails and texts. (Not phone calls, of course. But who makes phone calls anymore??)
  • I have an excellent sense of humour, unless you believe my son. But please, please don't believe my son.
  • I am supportive, empathic and nurturing (when I have had enough sleep and am fully caffeinated).

watch us discuss (some pretty weird) bad habits here:

6 comments:

  1. Haha you crack me up. Keep being the perfectly flawed person that you are. I imagine there's a dude out there who will find everything about you just hilarious and charming and you'll be just fine! :)

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  2. Well, I CAN cook eggs.... *sighs*.... x

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  3. You are smart, too, and resilient in the face of hippy neighbourhood harassment. You crack me up as well.
    You will find him. I know it. You are too bloody fabulous not to.

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  4. SD used to bite his nails, it drove me crazy but I discovered that if I gave him a swift slap around the back of the head then he'd suddenly realize what he was doing and stop - now he just picks at them ... Other than that we are remarkably similar! I too tried internet dating although I found it safer to try and make a feature of my massive fuck up's rather than to try and hide them and I too am terrible at seduction to the point where when I finally decided to seduce SD (and I even considered knitting my own nipple tassels) he was totally unaware of what I was trying to do and thought I was having some kind of seizure or something. And the eggs thing, seriously, we could be TWINS!! I make THE best scrambled eggs, so many people over cook them, they need to be just set, I even have a scrambled egg pan that doesn't get used for anything else ... Does that make me sound odd ... Don't answer that ...

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  5. Isn't it incredible how badly we treated ourselves years ago when we were actually pretty amazing! Great list. I can not do eggs - boo.

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  6. A good scrambled eggs? That in itself is a 'keeper' quality. :)

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