August 8, 2012

They Tried To Make Me Go To Rehab

.... and I said YO YO YO.

I didn't realize at all that this is where I was going. I thought I was headed to a resort in Malaysia with my husband, because he needed to destress after a hugely difficult year (actually, I thought I was going to a resort in Indonesia - I tend to be a bit sketchy on geographic details).

I truly didn't understand how much I needed this trip too. I didn't realize until we'd been here for a couple of days, and I found myself shedding layers and layers of tension and anxiety and anger and other detritus that had built up in my psyche over the past few months.

The first couple of days I just slept. I would wake up after a ten or eleven hour sleep still feeling tired, just waiting for another chance to sleep again later in the day. I thought the exhaustion would never pass, that I would sleep twelve or thirteen hours out of each twenty-four and arrive home still shattered.

But it did pass, and that's a lesson. You sleep and sleep and eventually just don't feel tired anymore. Exhaustion is like anything, like pain, grief, fear, happiness... if you immerse yourselves in it and allow it to take its natural course, it passes and makes way for something else. Some other aspect of life.

In between sleeping, I read. I read and sleep and eat and drink and then I read some more. And in breaks I do nothing. I sit and I think. Sometimes my mind has been like a crazy, LSD-induced kaleidoscope of images and memories and sensory replays; at other times, it's been almost empty. This is the closest I've ever come to meditation. I feet like a sponge that was heavy and filled with grime and grit that's been rinsed and gently squeezed clean. I feel new.

I know not everybody can get away to a resort, and I wish everyone could. But if you can't, try to get away somewhere, sometime, for some downtime and sleep. Or find someone to take the kids or the pets and do it at home. Switch off the phones and the internet and take time out for you, to regroup and renew and become clean again. In three days, you can recharge. And it's the greatest gift you can give yourself.

I hope you get to go to rehab, very soon.

22 comments:

  1. We try to have a holiday on Jan. I always marvel at the sensation of having tension leave my body in waves as I have siestas, miestas (my word for morning naps) early nights and late mornings. Others hike or swim themselves silly but I prefer to lie flat on my back and notice the sensation of tension leaving like ghosts

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  2. I get the sleep part, I get the recharge part, but three days? I need more, more more.
    But thanks for the reality check.

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  3. Glad you are feeling better. Sounds like a lovely break.

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  4. Last year I was feeling desperately stressed, or distressed, at work but kept hanging in there because having a breakdown was not part of my identity - I was a coper. Then my brother in law of 30 years was killed in a car accident, and after a week off to be with my sister and the family I was back at work feeling worse and worse. I found myself crying and swearing when the TBox didn't work for me and I knew something was really wrong. A friend talked me in to going to the doctor and getting a couple of weeks sick leave (I had 180 days accumulated sick leave). I did it and spent two weeks lying on the couch (it was cold weather) with the cat curled up beside me, and slept, ate, thought, and tried to just be. And after that I had decided to organise to hand over my coordination position to a colleague for good and take a less responsible role at work. That time out helped me figure out what I needed to do to. So rehab at home can work

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  5. I could do with that right now to clear my head and I really wish I had an on off switch for all the rubbish that goes on in my head!!

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  6. Can you please tell my eight month old about this? He seems to have come with-out an off/sleep button.

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  7. Sounds like a dose of incredible, heavenly, perfection! Right now I'd just take the sleep, but throw in cocktails, food and pampering, and I'd be the happiest (and most relaxed) girl in the world. Yay for you - when's the next trip?

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  8. I agree a million percent. Enjoy it all, the crazy is here for you to return to xx

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  9. Does exhaustion REALLY go if you sleep enough?! Am SO stuck in the middle of it that I can't imagine that's possible......eat, sleep, drink, think...sounds amazing! Hope you're loving every second!

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  10. Kerri, at Easter I went away with my mother and brother and his family to Melbourne for about 5 days. It was the first and only break I've had from work this year (and first trip to Melbourne in yonks) but I was constantly SO tired. I just wanted to sleep all of the time and now reading your post, makes me wonder if I was just exhausted. I felt terribly antisocial as the family was keen to do stuff and I just wanted to stay in the hotel room and sleep!
    Glad you're feeling refreshed!
    Deb

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  11. What_Sarah_Did_NextJanuary 13, 2013 at 11:19 AM

    Wow. You've just described my idea of a perfect holiday: sleep, eat, read, sleep, eat, read, sleep.


    I'm so glad you had this chance to recharge, Kerri - and what a place to do it at, your pictures are gorgeous - sounds like you guys both really needed it.
    x

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  12. Sleep? Remind me what that is?

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  13. Reading your comment was like hearing my internal monologue word for word!

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  14. I hate to sound a little creepy, but no matter what you write, you have me deeply engaged and enthralled. I must buy your books. I just love the way you write. And I'm glad you got some sleep. I sure could use some!

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  15. They keep telling me at mums nursing home that Im doing a wonderful job with mum but I need to look after myself.
    I know they are right but the thought of not being there for mum for a few days makes me very anxious.I know she wont eat enough without my feeding her and wont want to leave her room as I wheel her out to the courtyard etc.
    I know you too are also right.We all need to go to rehab.Destress and feel new.
    Just getting to the place where I feel right about doing it is so hard.
    Thankyou for the reminder.xx

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  16. I LOVE this, K-Sack!


    Bloody love it. So glad you're there, soakin' it up and letting it wash over you.


    I have a few rehab stories. *COUGH*


    XXXXXX

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  17. Thank you for the suggestion. I could sure use a recharge...

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  18. That's it, I'm booking a holiday! just need to get someone to look after the kids...oh wait I don't have any, guess my stress levels are on a similar plane (apologies to anyone who is really coping with kids, but I am pretty stressed right now). Or maybe I'll just buy a bottle of wine or three? Really happy you're having a wonderful time, you both deserve it. :)

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  19. I wish it could be that easy to treat anxiety. I really do.

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  20. I could definitely use a rehab myself right now!

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  21. I would love to go to rehab. Yes! Yes! Yes!

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Thanks! Love hearing from you.

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